now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
