dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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