I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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