Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
