so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
