if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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