the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize