The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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