So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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