i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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