I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
