fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
