All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
