i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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