I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My pussy is not your playground.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
