Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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