So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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