Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
