He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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