you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
