but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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