It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
