Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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