I puked a lego.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
