am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
