And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
