Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
