Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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