So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
