toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
