Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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