Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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