A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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