Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
