they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
