I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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