if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
