I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
should my penis look like a turkey
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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