I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize