wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
