God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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