it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
