she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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