Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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