im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
