OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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