i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
