I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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