he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
