I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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