So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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