Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
