i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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