He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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