Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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