What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
