oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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