Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
