i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I touched a dick in church today
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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