I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize