i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize