I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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