He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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