We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
