so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
