Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize