Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
