"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
