Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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