Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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