Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
