Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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