Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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